Sometimes The Only Closure Is You Shutting The Door

Sometimes, the only closure you need is to shut the door. Seeking closure can become a trap that leads to more hurt, anger, and other negative emotions. There is something in human nature that wants resolution and many times we go out of our way to get it. We carry situations that weren’t resolved with us and are at risk of recreating those same hurtful experiences in order to gain the ever elusive ‘closure.’ How many times has a person said: ‘I married a person who was just like my mother or father?’ Or I can’t believe that my next girlfriend ended up being just like my ex-wife? There are many deep-rooted reasons why people recreate the same situations in life and it is often due to seeking and needing closure.

The problem with seeking resolution is that not everyone can offer you the resolution you want or believe that you need. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met people whose lives were shattered and the person in a truly vulnerable state of mind because they didn’t have the closure that they wanted.

I knew a woman whose husband had cheated on her left and right and when he filed for divorce (she should have been the one to file) she couldn’t and wouldn’t accept it! She fought for closure, a resolution that she was happy with. She wanted this man to become someone he wasn’t to fit a character in the narrative of HER story. The only problem was that it wasn’t truly her story or her destiny. He wasn’t the man that God had intended for her to be with but she was going to do everything in her power to ‘make’ him play a part to fit her narrative.

That will only bring more sorrow, more hurt, and more anxiety and in this woman’s case, she wasted her life on a man who never should have been there to begin with.

Many people look to others for their own self validation and when they feel the first slight of resistance, they internalize the other person’s actions as if something was wrong with them. They in turn set off on a journey for ‘closure’ a peaceful resolution to the story so they can at least tell themselves: ‘Hey, it wasn’t me. We are at peace.’

Sometimes in life, the only peace you need is the peace that comes with YOU shutting the door and padlocking that baby shut so that person can never get in!

How many times has someone reached out to a parent, sibling, or loved one trying to gain a peaceful resolution or some form of closure only to end up hurt once again? In situations like these, seeking ‘closure’ only leads to more internal conflict and negative emotions. Sometimes it is best to say it is what it is, close the door, and move on.

You can’t make others give you the resolution that you want or think you need and trying to get others to be who you think YOU need them to be in YOUR life is quite frankly a waste of time.

If someone wants to be in your life, they will be in there and they will have enough respect and decency to seek a peaceful resolution with you. If they don’t, then close the door and move on. 

Life is too short to seek ‘closure’ with people who aren’t interested in being at peace with you. Shut the door, move on. I promise, when the right person comes around, you can open the door again.



Charisse Van Horn is an artist, poet, and freelance writer.